I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize