You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
