i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize