he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We need to feng shui this bitch.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
