i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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