I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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