My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize