too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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