I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
