i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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