Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
there is puke in my bra ... again
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