babies were throwing up all over the place
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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