Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Pants are for mortals
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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