you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
