I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
