I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We are two peas in an std pod
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
