But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
