he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
