you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
