Just fell off a train. Bad.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
