U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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