tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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