I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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