My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
