he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
