trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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