as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
