I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
