She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
