Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
