ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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