And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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