I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Congratulations! We have a period
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
