Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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