im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
