He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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