Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
