You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
