It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
