May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
