ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize