nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
