Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
