one might say we're banned from that church
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
