I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
