you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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