The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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