I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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