there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
