I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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