so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
