you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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