he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
