Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
