just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
