If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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