They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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