bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
you never un-have a 4some
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize