He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i've created a new STD.
sex in a hospital.. check
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
