I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
