i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
sex in a hospital.. check
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
