Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
