Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
