Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
