i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
