turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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