this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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