Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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