I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
