She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it glows. i had to have it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
