so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
